last time I was seen officially with a guy was almost a year ago. I really can’t be arsed now to find out how many months it has been and yes, I’ve been single since then. I’ve never liked the idea of how people abuse the ‘single’ status but before I knew it, I found myself doing exactly the same thing as what others do. there were a few on and off’s here and there and I told myself I’d keep things to myself till I find someone who’s worth getting serious over. 

it’s quite hard for me to get over one part of my past - which means a lot to me till this second. no matter how hard I try,I find myself always imagining myself in that part of my past. I always felt wrong to want something that happened 4years ago,which is when I was a lot younger and wasn’t matured enough. I’ve already been dragged down by a lot of happenings around me then I also got unexpected crap from people related to my last official relationship. what is with people letting out their assumptions as ‘truths’ ? it did hit me at one particular point but after it got a little too much? I stopped caring and left it behind. it wasn’t an ugly part of my life and everything happens,happened and is happening for atleast one reason.

I don’t regret any part of my past because exactly at that moment, it was what I longed for and wanted the most. it definitely is wrong and would feel wrong if I would want the same thing in present or future. I don’t want any history of my past to be my history in future. I just can’t get over that one phase and I just wish I could work it a different way. I just need to get things straight and be clear with a few stuff. I never intended to steal someone else’s bf or even make him get ideas of cheating on her. I just could feel some ‘chemistry’ going on and honestly, as much as I like it , i hate it ! so to find a way to stop all that nonsense going on,I needed all to be figured out but when I’ve made up my mind to do so,fate doesn’t let me. I got left by myself by someone who is completely ‘nothing’ in my daily life at the moment. 

then there were a few others trying to toy with me. sadly,their plans didn’t work. I did want to give most of them a shot but what could I have done when they were available but taken? I don’t know why karma has to be so hard on me when I never  had any intention of wanting someone else’s bf . Karma just has to hit me with all those inconsiderate tards who probably didn’t even have any idea of what they were up to. Since they didn’t , I tried to open their eyes and minds and when they realized that I’m not up to walking on the same path, they feel some sort of shame and start treating me like either a ‘no body’ or a completely disastrous ‘bitch’ . I did want to be friends with them but they don’t let me and I really can’t walk on the same road so even a fullstop had to be put at the friendships that were going on. 

I need something fair to happen to me. Yes, it’s a ‘need’ . because I’ve been tortured and taught lessons more than I need. I don’t want to have to hate on people for reasons that arent even worth it. If I can’t get good heartbeats, atleast let me have peace and quiet.